I felt like an Arts & Crafts teacher in this outfit all day. All I was missing was a basket of broken crayons and some macrame and a little boy to give me divorce therapy. Which of course then had me thinking about good old Camp Firewood and jumbo shrimp—hey, I’m allergic to oxymorons!
Hardcore Wet Hot American Summer fans [i.e. my numerous soulmates, ye merry band of perverts] have already no doubt picked up on what I’m throwing down.
So now I leave you with this. Because I have to go fondle my sweaters.
I went to sleepaway camp so long ago that it was the Stone Age. No, but seriously, it wasn’t the Stone Age… it was the Ice Age! No, really, it was the Stone Age… When I was at camp, my favorite activity was always arts and crafts. Or, as we used to call it: arts and farts and crafts. We used to make drawings… cave drawings! Which is my way of saying we were cave men. I went to camp so long ago that I can remember saying “sticks and stones may break my bones” and meaning it! I went to camp so long ago that f**king Jesus Christ was my counselor! And my best friend hadn’t fully evolved yet! His name was Ug and he walked on all fours! There were two epidemics when I went to camp: head lice, and the plague —the Bubonic Plague!
Michael Showalter as Alan Shemper in Wet Hot American Summer, aka the best monologue in cinema history
p.s. there’s another of these here skirts… you can see it in this post.